Unbreakable
by AnnabethReads
Summary: Beca has coped with her own problems ever since her parents divorce back when she was young. She's been alone and broken but now that's she healing a sudden relapse threatens to send her spiralling. Will she be all alone again? Or can someone pull her from this stupor before it's too late. Warning: Triggers of self harm, and depression.


**DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. All rights to creators of Pitch Perfect.**

 **WARNING: Heavy content (depression, and cutting)**

* * *

 **Unbreakable**

She named them her dark days. The days in which her body felt like stone and her mind moved 10x slower than usual. Her eyes drooped, her body ached, and all thoughts of living were shoved aside.

These were Beca Mitchell's dark days, and they haven't seemed to cease since the day they began in high school, after her parents divorced and her mother left. Of course back then was harder. Everything is harder when you're a child with no support. She'll admit to the fact that she pushed away everyone, denying their love and support through it all. It was just easier that way. If you don't love people, and let them know that you feel for them then they can't hurt you, you're like an indestructible wall.

That is until a certain red head wiggled her way into Beca's world, shoving the stupid wall aside and crossing so many boundaries that the petit woman lost track. At first it was painful, just thinking about Chloe and her obsessive need to touch and prod, now it was bearable, and deep down she truly did enjoy most of her interactions with the red-head. Just to balance out the score Beca would initiate a hug every so often, or tentatively touch her best friend on the arm as they sat on the couch or stood around in Bella's rehearsal.

Three years in University and Beca noticed that her dark days had lessened. She rarely felt like a cloud loomed over her, and the fact that this only happened over the school breaks was an obvious sign that the Bella's had been good for her. That Chloe had been good for her.

It was Tuesday, April 14th, 8:45am when the alarm of Beca's phone went off with the chime of her favourite song: Titanium. The minute her hand moved to stop the offending noise, she felt her whole world slowed down to a painful speed and everything about the day seemed pointless. Beca began to groan.

"No, not today." She begged in a whimper, shoving her face into her pillow and trying to swallow her pointless depression. What on earth did she have to feel sad about? Feeling sad didn't apply to her with the situation she's in. This situation being the one of a privileged girl living in a home with her friends who literally became her whole world not too long ago. Beca Mitchell didn't deserve to feel depressed, and she knew it. But she still felt it, because emotions are a jack ass even when you think all is well.

As usual the pain began when she peeled her eyes open, squinting at the offending light that streamed through the window of the room she and Fat Amy share. She managed to glance at the other bed to see the Australian Singer missing from her usual spot, probably starting the day early like she mumbled in a drunk slur before she passed out the day before. Leave it to Amy to hold her word.

Beca sighed and slammed her eyes shut, raising a heavy hand to fall over her eyes and relieve some of the pain in her temples. This was evidently pointless, but the brunette did it anyways to feel some sort of relief from this drowning sensation.

Is that what she felt? Like she was drowning? Thinking about it now Beca could agree, knowing very well that breathing was like choking on water and moving was like mentally thrashing to be free of the confinement.

Her alarm went off again. The eight minute snooze timer had expired and now it occurred to the woman that she had been groaning and rolling in bed from 8:45 to 8:53. This was truly pathetic in her eyes, but on her dark days, doing anything productive involved the idea the she had a ball and chain attached to each limb.

The alarm played out, another four minutes of time wasted as she mentally willed for all sound to cease to exist. But her stupid phone worked differently, starting the song up again and pushing the buttons of the flushed girl. She grabbed the phone in a moment of anger and chucked it straight out the door, right into the hall where all the other Bella's doors led to.

"Fucking fabulous." She sighed, kneading her fists into her eyes and swallowing her unnecessary tears.

"Becs, did you just throw your phone out the door?" Stacie asked with a laugh as she entered the room and silenced the alarm permanently.

"Please leave, Stacie." Beca responded, making the taller woman raise an eyebrow and fold her arms in a defensive matter.

"Alright Grumpy. I'll leave. You should know that Chloe still wants to practice at 10." Once more her buttons were pushed and Beca sat up, frustration forcing her to speak.

"I really don't fucking care right now, can you please just leave me alone! There is literally no privacy in this freaking house and it's really pissing me off right now."

"Yeah, no shit." Stacie snapped back, tossing the phone at the foot of Beca's bed and sauntering out, feeling slightly disrespected at Beca's pointless outburst.

That was another thing about her dark days. They made her snap at people. She was irritable, and knew that being angry tended to push people away faster than being sad and making them want to comfort you.

She stayed in a seated position, her mind racing as she sorted to find a solution to her attitude. Reaching for her phone she clicked it on and found it was a little past 9. Her eyes faltered farther down to her wrists. Her pale wrists with five scars on her left, and three on her right. She obviously wasn't a constant cutter. She didn't even know half the reasons why she did it. All she knew was that they were from when she felt terrible for being who she was and wanted nothing more than to get rid of the dark day. No matter how many times she tried though, the day stayed gloomy and Beca wallowed even more at her new mark that stayed as a reminder of her failed attempts at happiness. She did however never give up in hoping that there would one day be a cut that would make her feel like all her pain washed away with the slim cut and she didn't have to feel heavy for the rest of the day.

Today she wanted to test it again, after months of not even thinking about it. So Beca slipped off the bed entirely, groaning as her whole body began to walk to the bathroom in the hall. She closed the door quietly and popped the lock into place before opening the third drawer to find a ton of disposable razors in large bulk bags since the Bella's would lose it if hey had to remember who's long lasting razor was who's. This was easier and costed less when they divided the shopping bill at Costco.

She pulled up a yellow razor, glancing at the plastic handle and then popping the blades out with ease. The three silver blades rested in her palm as she placed the handle by the sink and dumped two of the sharp items beside it, knowing to place them all back after and toss the razor away so then no one would think anything of it. They would simply know that someone had shaved that day.

She couldn't list the reasons why she was doing it but the blade dug into her left wrist and made her sigh in both pain and contentment. Then she slid it, making a line 4cm long and waiting to see if she felt any different from this morning. The cloud grew darker above her when she found that nothing had changed. Beca still felt like her insides were tight and her mind was spinning with her depressive thoughts.

The cut did nothing.

It made it worse.

It always made it worse.

She didn't know how long it would take until she learned.

A knock shocked her back to reality as she rushed to place the blades back on the razor handle and rinse it off before chucking it in the trash with its plastic cover.

"Becs? You alright?" Chloe questioned as the tap began to run and Beca hurried to rid her arm of the crimson blood.

"Just fine, Chlo." The petit woman responded, her voice deceiving her with the panic of getting caught.

"Can you open the door?" Chloe questioned, trying to push the girl into admitting whatever ran through her mind in that bathroom.

"I umm. I need to shower." She supplied weakly, biting back tears as she tore off her clothes and jumped into the shower, flipping the tap on and allowing cold water to wash over her. She hurt herself and was lying to Chloe. She knew she didn't deserve a warm shower today after all she's done.

To make matters worse, she was crying. Beca effing Mitchell, the woman who rarely shed a tear was crying in the shower. Sobbing actually. Her whole body was exhausted and it was still far too early to feel that way. She did nothing to justify the want to sleep. Her dark days were simply consuming her again.

"Beca. Sweetie, are you crying? What's going on?" The knock was louder this time and Chloe was panicking from her end, making the brunette shove a fist into her mouth and slide down the shower wall until she sat huddled in the corner behind the water stream. The lack of response only justified Chloe's action of racing down the stairs, ripping open a drawer in the kitchen, much to the question of all the eating Bella's, and finally racing back up to the bathroom door with a flashlight and small door pin in hand.

Few people followed her. Jessica, Ashley, and Cynthia Rose were the only three who caught onto the panic while all the others only noticed the bubbly red heads quick movements.

"What's going on?" CR questioned, watching as Chloe shoved the pin through the tiny hole and tried to spin it around until she found the lock slot.

"Nothing. Everything fine. Just go downstairs and gather everyone to leave for Bella's rehearsal." The woman dismissed, praying that the three would understand that now wasn't a time to argue.

"Alright, call if you need anything." Ashley said, grabbing Jessica and CR by their shirts and tugging them down the stairs where she called for everyone to leave for rehearsal. "Come on Bella's, DSM won't be defeated unless we start doing something productive." She called, just as Chloe got the door to click and forced herself into the bathroom.

"Beca?" Beca slammed back farther into the wall, her tears falling faster as she realized that Chloe had made it into the bathroom. "I'm opening the shower curtain." The red head warned, truly not caring if her friend refused, A) because she was worried and B) because she's seen it all before.

The curtain flew open and the sight made Chloe's inside freeze. There sat her best friend with her legs drawn up and faced streaked with tears as she sobbed heavily into her arms. The small leak of blood haven't yet caught her attention.

"Oh Becs." Was all she could sigh as she slammed the handle of the shower knob down and stopped the stream of freezing water. "Shh. It's alright. You're alright." The red head said, almost willing herself to believe it as well as she clambered into the tub and felt the remaining water seep through her socks.

"I'm sorry." The shorter girl said, watching her friend pull a towel from a nearby rack and throw it around her neck and shoulders.

"You don't have to be sorry. Come on, let's get you dressed." Chloe encouraged, pulling Beca to her feet and readjusting the towel over her body. Only now did Chloe see the blood. She still said nothing.

"No. No, the others can't see me like this." Beca suddenly refused, pulling away from Chloe as they got close to the door. She drug the red head down to the ground with her as her sobs racked her body once more.

"Breathe. Beca, you need to breathe." Chloe said, crawling in front of her and placing two hands on her knees to hold her in place. "Hey it's just me. Focus on me." The girl coached, reaching out to place a hand on Beca's chest as she heaved each breath. "It's just me."

"I'm sorry." Beca whispered, locking her eyes with the lightest blue she's ever seen. "Please don't leave me." And just like that, her stupor broke. Beca knew what was breaking her heart and making her day dark. She had grown attached to Chloe, and refused to believe that this was the year that both would graduate and go their separate ways.

This made a small smile grow on Chloe's face as she blushed with the sudden realization of what Beca meant.

"How could I leave the person I love?" Chloe asked in a gentle voice, moving her hand from Beca's towel clad chest, and touching her cheek to wipe away the tears. These words made Beca suck back her tears, if just for a moment, so the two could look at each other in silence. "I won't leave you, Becs. All you have to do is ask me to follow." Chloe added, scooting a tad closer to the shaking girl and smoothing the damp brunette hair behind her ears.

"I can't lose you." Beca sighed, leaning her cheek into the hand of the woman she loved. It was warm and soft. It was familiar. They both breathed in a content breath before Chloe mustered up the courage and leant forward, pressing her lips onto Beca's and holding herself there for a beautiful, indestructible moment. When they pulled apart Beca nearly released the hold she had on the towel that was secure around her shoulders. She felt more tears well in her eyes but swallowed them down as she whispered, "Follow me."

~.~.~

After a few more minutes of sitting on the bathroom floor, Chloe managed to draw Beca to her feet and got the girl into her room with little issue seeing as everyone had left the house when she asked.

Beca dressed in leggings and a large shirt, not feeling like today was the day to go to Bella's rehearsal. Her shirt sleeve was shoved upward as Chloe sat on the bed next to her and carefully dabbed an alcohol wipe over the small lesion. With all the blood cleaned away the cut looked less sever, yet it felt worse to both women though neither said a word about it while Chloe reached for the antiseptic cream. The red head placed an even amount of the gel over the cut and then tapped a thin white gauze over it with some medical tape. With the intentional damage hidden, Chloe finally looked to Beca's eyes.

"Thank you." The brunette mumbled, pressing the tape down slightly as a distraction and glancing down, only to feel bad and looking to the light blue eyes of Chloe once again. "I don't do this often. I mean- it happens- but it's not excessive." She said, tumbling over her words as the aid kit was placed away by her friend.

"Why do you do it?" Chloe asked carefully, hoping she didn't sound like she was prying. This earned a shrug from Beca.

"Some days I feel lousy and it's draining, and I don't know. To feel relief - if not, just a little bit of some emotion since all I feel is heaviness." It didn't make sense in her mind but Chloe seemed to catch on in a sudden spur of awareness.

"I understand. These are days that feel terrible and there is no valid reason. Well there is, but it's hidden so deeply in that head of yours that it's lost and you are unable to locate the reason for your sadness."

"Yeah." The brunette sighed. She knew Chloe understood. She knew that this was safe to speak about.

"I'm sorry that this happens, Becs." Chloe took Beca's hand in her own and carefully drew circles with her thumb over the top of her hand. "I'm sorry that you have to make your own pain to feel something." Tears fell from the petit girl's eyes.

"It's just hard sometimes. It's scary and annoying, and I hate myself for having these depression days but they're there and they suck so, so much!" This was working. Chloe could tell that Beca was benefiting from this ability to speak of her thoughts. "I just don't have anyone in my corner. No one ever understood or cared. My parents got mad when I was moody. They said I was being insufferable and even went as far as blaming the divorce on me. It's those memories that drive me into this stupid state of mind. I just - I'm tired of people controlling my emotions just because they're there and they become influences in my mind." This made sense to Chloe. The reason for Beca to beg her to not leave her in the bathroom. It was because she didn't want to believe in the fact that she opened up to someone only to lose them like she lost her parents. Her friends. Her whole family. Beca Mitchell was scared. And sobbing. And that just wouldn't work with Chloe sitting on the bed next to her.

"C'mere." Was all the red head said as she tugged her friend into an embrace and pulled both of them against the headboard. "You're scared to trust," Chloe began, moving Beca's hair aside so then the tears wouldn't wet it. "But you trusted the Bella's. You trusted me. Despite all that you've been through. All the things people have told you, you trusted us. I'm guessing we cornered you so to speak. But you didn't feel loved. You didn't feel wanted. We had to save you. And I can tell you now Beca, that I couldn't stop thinking about you after that day at the activities fair. I didn't know you. But I knew you were amazing. And I wanted to stay."

Beca was drawn in by Chloe's words. She knew this was the truth. Chloe continued,

"I'm here Becs, so if you get lost, and you give up, and you know that everything in your heart hurts, then I'm there. I'm going to wrap my arms around you, and I'll make you Unbreakable. You put up this facade. You don't show your soft side until the hard shell is broken. I broke that shell. So when you are falling, let me catch you. Let me find that smile and hold you tight because I know that I can make you Unbreakable."

"Why? Why do you care so much?" Beca asked.

"Because I love you, darling." This brought a soft smile to both women as they caught each other's watery eyes.

"Make me Unbreakable." Beca whispered, her hand going up to hold Chloe's cheek and pull her in for a kiss. Just as promised, Chloe pulled Beca in tighter, her arms wrapped around the girl, and made their love untouchable. Beca carefully drew back, her forehead still attached to Chloe's. "I love you too." And with that the dark cloud dissipated. The sun returned. Beca felt lighter. Living seems easier. Chloe breathed life back into her. Beca Mitchell became Unbreakable.

* * *

Just a one shot to show you how I feel. Some days are long and slow and ultimately harder to endure and I feel like Beca was a great way to demonstrate this. Unfortunately, not all of us have a Chloe who can drag us out of these stupors but we have each other. We have this community. That seems like enough.

Comment, like, tell me if you connect to this in anyway.

Valentina


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